there and back again.

 she was done and then she wasn't.

sam, (son and acid tongued critic) gave her the once over and declared there was nothing special about the face.

"i can sort that", i crowed, too full of myself to hear the wind blowing.
 i won't be posting the images of what i did next as public humiliation is a bit much.
 i ended up re painting the whole face as many times as i did when i first started this series. to the point of flattening the tooth on the canvas so that i had a shiny surface which no longer held paint..... or hope, redemption or even a future for me as an artist.
last weekend i admitted defeat and unpinned her from her pedestal from which she had so obviously fallen. i whited out the face one last time and rolled her up. i will eventually burn the witch but i can't bring myself to do it at the moment.
 she mocks me from her position on the studio table. she whispers about my inadequecies, smirks on the subject of limited abilities and the audacity of the futile. she is content to let it be a lesson to me. that pride always comes before a fall and the aspiring are just that and nothing more.

its no bloody wonder i don't socialise. i don't need entertainment, human interaction, betrayal, laughter. i have it all here in the confines of my 12ftx16ft studio and on the back wall in the form of a painting who fought back. why do i need people to bleed me dry, lean on me, undermine me and generally belittle the talent i have, when i can do it all myself with a few pots of paint.

i have started something else. i,m scared to say "someone" as it may not go that way.  it/she is smaller. when the ego takes a bashing the work decreases in scale, gets tighter in  control and generally gets worse, but not always. or so i hope.

 whats really pissing me off this morning is the arthritis in my hands. its raining. it hasn't rained for a while so i forgot that my hands normally hurt. its not a nice thing being reminded that you are human and fragile and on a limited time allocation. all those years of being invincible nearly convinced me it was true.
 like i said, Pride and All that!

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